While I never purport to be an expert in matters of the heart, one thing I can certainly shoot my mouth off about is having sex in inappropriate places. As we learned in my previous educational article on the subject of seasons, the slopes are not necessarily the place to find your dream life partner. I failed spectacularly in my mission to avoid shagging any skint, ne’re-do-well student ski bum types, and have subsequently ended up living with one permanently.

However, in an attempt to aid you in exploring your own alpine sexual horizons to the max, allow me to dispense the following advice. Follow or disregard at your own discretion.