‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la laaaa and all that bollocks. Sadly, if you’re working up a mountain this Noël, you will know that the Christmas period is not likely to be the traditional orgy of joy and festivities.

As we learnt last month, seasons are not always as endlessly enjoyable as they might seem. No, life working in a ski resort over Christmas is a circus of sixteen-hour, migraine-inducing incompetence, served on a bed of angry punters, seasoned with a sprinkling of wailing brats, and a side order of ‘I honestly don’t give a flying fuck, I just want to go out riding.’

Of course if you’re a chalet bitch, you’re probably going to come off worst. Before the first-timers among you guffaw with glee because you think you’ve snaffled a cushy season job, let me offer you this dose of enlightenment…