The Mountain Roads Can Get Super Sketchy, Especially In Europe

When it starts dumping, driving without chains becomes impossible, but even when the roads are freshly ploughed it’s a good idea to throw them on. I managed to come off the road just outside La Tania last winter, dunked the front end of the wagon into a drift five minutes after I’d taken my chains off. School boy right? Digging sucks. 

Don’t Die

Insulate the walls, build a decent bed and make sure you sleep warm. I had a military issue sleeping bag that could drop down to -45C along with a down duvet. Sorted. I did forget to carpet the roof however, and many mornings were spent scraping stalagtites made from my frozen breath off the ceiling. Not the best start to a day up the hill.

Don’t Be A Dirtbag

It’s hard, because choosing to go van life kinda makes you a dirtbag in itself, but sort your shit out. Don’t let crap build up in the van and air out your gear as much as possible. Garbage and wet boots accompanied with your unshowered corpse will lead to one unholy odour that no amount of Febreeze will oust.

Never Skip A Deuce

There’s nothing worse than getting caught touching cloth with no hope of remorse. The embarrassment will be life long. Keep a spare roll of shit tickets as part of your essentials just in case you gotta go drop logs with the animals. Another occasion that shovel will come in handy…

Shower. Anywhere And Everywhere You Can.

When you roll up in a new town and hit up the local talent at the bar, it ain’t gonna go well if you smell like the Great Depression. Loads of motorway petrol stations (normally the bigger ones) have showers in them for truckers. Use them. Use mates houses, public swimming pools or just walk into hotels like you own the gaff. Get clean.

On Bringing Back Conquests From The Bar

If you let it known early on that you’ve gone full hippy and live life in your van, I found one of two things happen. They either laugh, question my seriousness and sanity before any hope of not spending the night alone was dashed, or I got offered a place to stay. Win win, sometimes.

Stay Connected

If you’re on the move a lot, then rarely will you have WIFI/internet access and the chance to charge up your techno-bits. Maccy-Dees have free wifi and they’re everywhere – have a coffee, check your crackbook, charge your brainwashers and take as long as you want doing it cos they don’t even give half a fuck.

Kill Time

A lot of times, when you’re not staying with friends or family, you’re gonna find yourself on your own in unfamiliar territory, waiting for the sun to come up to go riding. But it’s early evening. Load your lappy up with enough movies and bring enough books to keep your brain satisfied. And puzzles, they’re good too.

Alternatively, always my preference, is to find a local watering hole and sedate yourself to sleep. It’s tried and tested, and if you drink local brews everywhere you go you can argue that you have become more cultured. However, one most also be wary of the potential risk to order and cleanliness of living quarters on return from said hole. Motor skills may be inebriated by this point. Don’t pee in the van.

Stay Fed

Keeping food in the van isn’t so bad too, mostly ‘cos if you’re travelling through winter you’re effectively living in a giant fridge. Get a cool box. Fill it with snack food. I tried to keep my breakfast and lunch to small bits I could take up the hill in my pockets: no prep and no mess. Having a thermos is great too; there’s nothing like a hot coffee to drag you out of the van, into the cold and up the hill.

Where To Sit The Whip

Parking up for the night ain’t a problem most places but during the day you will get ticketed if you’re not careful. I got three in the same day in Innsbruck like a dummie. Check your tyres for chalk marks too – if you have a stripe on ‘em wipe it off and move shop down the road. Your van’s being watched.

In resort it’s easy to get towed, especially in the high up French resorts. Paying for the parking during the day is super expensive, but it’s cheaper than the €500 fine you’ll be forking out to get the wagon back. Alternatively, leave your van down the mountain and hitch up, works just as good and free.

Live The Road

The route you take is both important and irrelevant. If there’s a few spots you for sure wanna hit up, plan and budget for them. But everything else I’d say is better to leave unplanned. If you’re funded, set up, fed and watered then you got no reason to worry. Hitting the road, cruising through new towns and valleys with no destination comes with an unparalleled sense of freedom – your trip should reflect that.

Go with the flow. Don’t be disappointed by distractions, and if shit hits the fan relax, it was always gonna. For me, the best times and tales of the trip were when I just let things happen. You live in your van, let life do its thing. You won’t regret it.