Suspended president of FIFA Sepp Blatter has taken up a new post as head of FIS, it has emerged.

79-year-old Blatter was appointed to the position by the FIS board, who cited his unquestionable experience at overseeing companies with names that begin with ‘Fédération Internationale’.

“FIS is based in Switzerland, which is probably the only place in the world where I can keep getting away with all the shit that I do”

“I’m delighted to step into this new role, for which I feel I am the perfect candidate,” said Blatter at a press conference in Oberhofen am Thunersee. “Plus, like FIFA, FIS is based in Switzerland, which is probably the only place in the world where I can keep getting away with all the shit that I do.”

While some questions were raised about what Blatter’s appointment might mean for FIS’ standing in the sporting world, they were soon quashed when it emerged that an organisation’s reputation can’t be damaged if it didn’t have one to begin with.

Blatter was later overheard discussing “the future of snowboardsurf” with FIS’ director of telemarking.