A quiet but growing presence in our world, sports scientists have long been fascinated with the physics involved in snowboarding. They’ve watched on, eagle eyed, as we’ve pushed through more and more strenuous maneuvers, taking note of when the body breaks, and how it reacts under the different pressures.

Largely, they’ve been silent partners, communicating through coaches on rare occasion. But now they’ve chosen to make their voices heard. Announcing earlier today that, according to physics, every new trick in snowboarding has now been done.

“We’ve run every possible scenario through our simulator,” said one representative from the WTF Research Group “and the biomechanics of the human body just can’t take any more progression.”

“720s onto rails, quad corks, even those press swivels going down at Loon mountain – spontaneous limb combustion is a serious risk if anyone tries anything else. Scott Stevens is only still standing because we successfully fused elastane into his tendons…”

Stevens, and other progressive riders the world over, have yet to comment on this grim diagnosis. No doubt Yawgoons 18 will provide conclusive evidence as to whether the scientists, in this case, are right.